Drunk Monkeys

Alice Williams

Baboons. Whatever. South Africa, home to one of the highest crime rates in the world, is facing yet another security fail –  baboons who drink like schoolies then act like jerks and break stuff…like schoolies. The large non-homonid members of the primate order have been attacking Cape Town’s oldest vineyards and homes in the wine country with some crybaby owners putting their property up for sale claiming the situation is  ”so out of control”. Come on! Name anything more hilarious or adorable than a drunk Baboon!

The London Telegraph explains:

Each day, dozens of Cape Baboons gather to strip the ancient vines – the sauvignon blanc grapes are a particular favourite – before heading into the mountains to sleep. A few, who sample fallen fruit that has fermented in the sun, pass out and don’t make it home. “They are not just eating our grapes, they are raiding our kitchens and ripping the thatch off the roofs. They are becoming increasingly bold and destructive,” said Jean Naude, general manager at the [Groot Constantia]vineyard.

Many have then broken into homes and cars in residential areas looking for food and terrorizing families in the process, to which the South African government has come up with the brilliant way to deal with the problem , a three strike policy wherein any rouge baboon whom reoffends a third time is ‘put down’ (shot) – I guess the stringent No Trespassing signs just don’t work.

Baboons are considered an endangered species in South Africa, and animal rights activists and residents are trying to put their heads together to come up with a more humane solution.