STRANGEWAYS DJS’ 12 POINT GUIDE TO PARTY JAMS

If you follow a long stretch of highway from Melbourne for about 7.5 hours you’ll find yourself in a little old city called Canberra. It’s a pretty nice place, really. Lots of nature reserves and politicians and not unlike every other city in the world, lots and lots of kids that just want to dance on a Friday night.

Just like Kevin Bacon changed the lives of many a teen in the town of Bomont, so too have Strangeways DJs; a trio of capitals finest gentlemen or Tom, Tom and Mario as they’re known by those in with the in crowd. While Kevin showed us that there are no rules to dancing, there are rules when it comes to making the dancing a success.

1. What is it that she wants? What is it that she needs?
When you’re trying to create a sweat-soaked dance floor the number one thing you will need is ladies. This ingredient is the rock to your paper and scissors. Get the girls on the floor and guys will follow. Anything mid 90’s or some 50’s rock’n’roll will do this, even if it barely makes the straight guys shift their leaden feet. And a little bit of disco never hurt anyone either.

Note: the opposite does not apply. When the floor is male only, you know you’re playing too much rock and/or roll and should probably quit your job.

2. Give it up, give it up, baby give it up
Treat your prejudices to pop music like you would an argument with your parents about privacy; sort it out and move on. When you were 15 you probably were super worried about seeming like a total loser so that’s why you pretended to hate Smashmouth’s ‘All Star’, but the fact that it stands up to an incredible amount of repeated listening means it is undeniably good. The fact that you’d probably lose your shit if it came on at a party is a testament to that, so why worry about waiting another decade to enjoy Katy Perry or Beiber’s era-defining jams? Any song with a chorus and a verse is ‘pop’, so sorry to break it to you, but Radiohead does not fit into some kind of “experimental” category.

3. I can’t go for that
Sure, James Blake may be your jam but no-one wants to have that sad-ass shit at a party. If something you want to play is in Pitchfork’s end of year albums list just leave it at home.

4. Pump up the Volume
Gradually raise the volume and tempo over the course of your party. This may seem like a no-brainer but it’s truly astonishing how many people think it’s a good idea to redline on some deadmau5 at 9pm.

5. Remix to Ignition
Never ever play a remix unless it is light-years better than the original track. A good indicator of this is if the popularity of the remix eclipsed that of the original song. If it didn’t you’re going to literally be faced with a crowd of people who it is you’re trying to impress with your obscurity.

6. Hip-Hop Hooray
Load up your party mixes with at least 50% hip-hop and r’n'b jams. It’s guaranteed to inspire some serious booty-shaking. However, remember rule one – that means go for Ciara’s ‘1,2 step’ over M.O.P’s ‘Ante up’.

7. Pop it, Lock it, Drop it
This is where we separate the men from the boys. Gradually build the song tempos, holding on one tempo for maybe 15 minutes at an absolute maximum, before dropping to half time when you’re peaking at around the 140-160bpm mark. Then restart. Eg: R’n'B>hip hop>yacht rock>funk/soul>dance>house>drum&bass>rock&roll>r’n'b etc etc NEVER DROP THE TEMPO!

8. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?
No, sorry Alanis, we don’t. Irony should never be the reason for dropping any tune at a party. If someone says play this because “it’s funny”, don’t. If you’re unsure, listen to the below. There’s about 12 seconds of lols factor in that 3:24 track.

9. Have you ever, ever felt like this?
To truly take the dance floor to the next level, you need to come up with something truly unexpected that really hits all the nostalgia buttons. As we’ve already taken the Round the Twist theme you will need to keep looking, but something of that ilk is where we’re going. (SPOOK’s recommendation ‘Love is in the Air’ John Paul Young).

10. Check yourself before you wreck yourself
With all this talk about pop music you may be forgiven for thinking you should just program a selection of top 40 jams from the last 20 years. But the truth is you will only create a next level party experience if you’re truly choosy about what you play. If it sounds stale or is too new, is overplayed and too predictable or too unheard and too obscure it’s not gonna do what you want it to do. If Johnny could walk the line so can you.

11. Can you feel the love tonight?
Make sure you have some era-defining sing-a-longs not only to break up the dancing occasionally but also to end the night in style. It’s always better to finish the party with a group sing-a-long than a lone pill-popper dancing to some crappy dubstep because you’ve forced everyone else outside.

12. One more time
If you have to cue up some tracks for an encore drop something that will contrast as much as possible with the track you finished with then drop a second track to contrast with that. Then whatever happens DO NOT PLAY ANY MORE songs! Congratulations. You killed it.

STRANGEWAYS DJs will be launching their first Melbourne party night with NINA LAS VEGAS at Laundry Bar Friday 25 November. The night will be dedicated to Bruce Willis – don’t ask why or think it’s weird, just imagine how good it will be to see a hundred people in Bruce Willis masks dancing (free upon entry). Email SPOOK at info@spookmag.com to win one of five free double passes!

Check ‘em out HERE!